Being a maternity nurse is NOT about rocking babies

When I started my pathway into nursing my final goal was to end up working in a  neonatal intensive care unit with the littlest babies, this came from the time we spent in the NICU with Jaya, but it is not where I ended up.  My cards unfolded after nursing school and I was given a job on the maternity unit, the second place I thought I would work.  So now here I am 2.5 years into my nursing career working in labor and delivery and postpartum, getting to witness one of the most important moments in a families life, watching them look at their newborn baby for the first time, sometimes taking their first family picture for them.  Everyone says maternity is the best place to work, they say all we do is rock babies, but that is NOT the case.  I am constantly watching my fetal heart rate, watching my mom to make sure she is not contracting too much, assessing her vitals, increasing pitocin, calling doctors, setting up nursery supplies....the list goes on and on and it does not include rocking babies!!!!
But all in all maternity is a happy place, welcoming little bundles of joy, yes we have demises and stillbirths and every time it is so hard, but I have never lost a mom.....until last week.  A day I will NEVER forget, a normal induction that turned into a nightmare, things had been going on all day but then very quickly took a turn for the worst, quickly we rushed her back to the OR for a STAT and I mean STAT c-section, but that was not enough.  The next thing I know my self and another nurse keep swapping places to do chest compression's.....then we call that dreaded code.  Hearing a CODE BLUE is never a good thing but hearing one on OB makes it even that much worse! Many doctors, and nurses, 3 hours and lots of blood later my patient was on her way up to ICU on ECMO....I helped get her on the elevator and then stood there as the door closed, and wondered if she would ever wake up again.  I walked back in to the OR and completely lost it, paper, trash, blankets, towels and so much blood all over everything....I can't even describe the scene I was standing in.  You see things like this on Greys anatomy or ER but here I was, standing in the middle of it, a scene I didn't think could happen in our operating room.  A scene I never wanted to witness and pray I never in my nursing career see again.   I walked out, grabbed my water and walked around the corner away from the other staff and again lost it....cried like I have not cried in a long time, so much emotion, so many tears.  My patient, a wife, a sister, a friend and a NEW mom lost her life 2 hours later.  I know god has a plan but it does not make it any easier..... but thankfully I have had an amazing support system at work.  This week I did my first C Section since last Monday and it was hard, I cried lots of tears but I made it through, had another delivery yesterday and again cried more tears but did it.
In the coming weeks I will be attending a service for this young woman and getting to see the beautiful baby girl who survived coming out of her mother with no heart beat and no breaths...she is gorgeous and I am sure that her mother is watching down on her.
So being a maternity nurse is not easy, it is not always fun and it is NOT about rocking babies!